Trespass and Forgiveness

Is it possible?

Today a wonderful person made a totally innocent statement, and brought a world of bad memories down upon my unprepared shoulders. It was kind of like someone bringing up what great weather we had six years ago on a certain date, without knowing that on that date six years ago, your mother was killed in a monsoon. Of course it wasn't that. And it was much longer than six years ago.

To this day, one entire year continues to live in infamy in my life. I was pretty young. In all honesty I've had some tougher times since then, in fact I'm having some tough times presently. What made that one year so different was that I believed I was completely defenseless, because of my age. Remember there are many kinds of abuse. The one in question wasn't physical. Had it been physical, that wouldn't have made it any worse.

No doubt most of us have been through some kind of injustice or have suffered some abuse at a time when there was nothing we could do about it. In fact that's most probably why it happened. In cases like that, when we get older and/or stronger, we wish we could go back and set it right. In my case it would have involved a thorough beating of two people who were adult teachers when I was a kid. I admit I once thought about doing just that. But did I refrain from it because I forgave their trespass? Absolutely not. And I've allowed it to scald me for the greater part of my life.

I don't remember where or when I heard the statement “God forgives, people don't.” I know I've been on both sides of that, the unforgiving and the unforgiven. It sure is true. On the other hand, consider that one of the prerequisites for forgiveness is repentance. That means the trespasser stops doing whatever they're doing, and acknowledges what he or she has done. And to the best of my limited memory I've gotten that from no one. Not in my life, certainly not from the two teachers.

That said, I grew up a little faster than I would have otherwise. Despite some remaining peripheral damage, I generally don't take a whole lot of crap from anyone, as a result. A friend of mine, whose wife basically abused both my friend and their relationship, has allowed himself to be martyred and humiliated repeatedly. His evaluation of me was, “You don't put up with a hell of a lot!” This I consider to be a good thing, an essential thing. Anything to not have to live that poor guy's life.

So maybe it really is water under the bridge. Seems to me there was blood and maybe there were some bone fragments in it, and they were mine. But those reached the ocean years ago, were carried far out to sea and have precipitated to the sediment, or perhaps, fed the coral. Nevertheless, if I could go back to being just thirteen and in that situation again, some people would have had to live the last several decades with some very serious scars of their own. Never mind the consequences.

I'm not sure if physicist John Wheeler was being facetious when he said “Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.” But I do know that the passage of time helps, if we can only let go. I suppose it's one more benefit of real faith, if you can manage real faith. If you have it, you know that whatever anyone has done, especially to a child, will be dealt with accordingly. Unless of course the prerequisites are fulfilled and they are forgiven, in which case, I would forgive it too. You really don't have to lift a finger.

It's the best deal in the universe.

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