Forget About Money

A message from corporate, to you.

Forget About Money

The above title doesn't apply to anyone else, just to you. You are the only person on the planet to whom this applies. You may have no money. If you get any, you must spend it all immediately for whatever meager necessities are required to preserve your ridiculous life. However do not forget to pay your taxes first. Should you fail to pay your taxes, you will go to prison. Going to prison will not relieve you of your tax indebtedness, you will still have to pay them. So do it first.

Should you claw your way to a point where you actually own anything, be prepared to pay taxes on that too. If you get old and can't pay your property taxes, sell the house, send it to the government and live on the streets in poverty. If you own a vehicle, be prepared to pay top dollar when you buy. It's a wonderful automobile. However, should you trade it in the very same day, the very same dealer, who is of course, one of us, will proclaim it a lousy piece of crap worth next to nothing. When handled this way, any money you make can be quickly eliminated.

Regardless of what you attempt to do for a living or where you choose to live (should acquisition of any money occur so that you can choose), one or more of us will have his hand out or in your pocket at all times. To provide heat, to keep the power on, the tv connected, or even so you can take a crap. We will take your money for charity to save children, trees, or dogs, whatever will get you to cough it up. Never mind what we do with it afterward. It's ours. We have expenses.

If not for the lousy PR it would generate, no business that's any bigger than a mom-and-pop shop would permit being nice to customers. Customers have money and it is our job to get it. That's what we do. Being nice should be optional, but the other businesses might decide to be nice, so we have to be reasonable from time to time. Anything to get the money.

But no matter what, be prepared for all of us to take advantage. It's where the phrase “Whatever the traffic will bear” came from. If we know you can't pay off your credit card balance, we'll double the interest rate. If you let your credit score drop, we'll charge you more for everything, especially insurance, which you'll have to have for that junker we sold you.. To us it's no more than a game...one that we always win.

The problem with this system is we actually have to do something to get your money. However we've discovered we can sell you bottled water, so it must be possible to do the same for air. We're working on it. Per capita taxes are a step in the right direction. You exist, you pay. We need more of that. Other steps in the right directions are automated payments, and virtual money. You never see it, and like all of the other idiots, sooner or later will stop keeping track of it. "Vaporware" for cash. What a great country. And we'll charge you for the privilege of never seeing your cash, as well. There's no end to our inventive nature, if it speeds up the process of taking whatever you may be silly enough to try to keep from us.

This is why we like the idea of socialism, you see, we won’t have to do anything to get your money. We’ll just take it, because under socialism we control everything.

It is important to always remember that under no circumstances whatsoever should you expect to have money. The formula is quite simple. We need it, and you don't.

Simple.

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